Equestria, Ho!
by Darklight64
Summary: A cardboard box mishap sends Calvin and Hobbes to Equestria. As they try to find a way home, they might learn something about friendship.
1. Chapter 1: The Cardboard Box

Down the street, a yellow school bus was coming into view. It gently pulled over along the curb, after which the bus driver opened the doors. At that moment, a spiky haired child dashed out of the vehicle and proceeded up his front long.

Calvin had been waiting all week for this moment. It was Friday, meaning that there was no school for two whole days. His spiky, yellow hair winded back against his head as he quickly sped up towards the front door. In his excitement, he opened the door without thinking.

"I'm home! OH NO!" Calvin screamed.

An orange blur collided into Calvin, sending the both of them tumbling onto the lawn. They skidded for a good meter or two, leaving a trail of ruined grass and dirt on the lawn.

"Woo! Look how far we went!" exclaimed Hobbes. Hobbes was Calvin's stuffed tiger, but to him it was an actual living creature, and his best friend. It was a ritual that everyday after school, Hobbes would pounce on Calvin as he opened the front door. Despite the repeated tiger attacks, Calvin would fail to learn from his mistakes.

"Can you at least retract your claws before doing that?" Calvin suggested. "And Mom wonders why my clothes get wrecked so easily."

"I know what will cheer you up!" stated Hobbes. "Your Mom went grocery shopping today! I think she brought home some canned salmon!"

"How is that supposed to cheer me up?" replied Calvin. "Never mind, today is finally the day!" Calvin quickly took off his jacket and ran into the house.

"Today's the day for what?" Hobbes yelled back, running after him.

As Calvin was proceeding up the stairs, a voice from the kitchen caught his ears.

"Calvin! I want your homework done before supper this time! No more putting it off!" His mother commanded.

"Yeah, sure! No problem!" Calvin yelled back.

Finally, Calvin was back in his room. His domain. His secret lair. Various comic books were scattered around the floor. Random toys lay in a pile across Calvin's un-made bed. Childish drawings and secret plans were pinned along the walls and piled up on his desk. He slammed the door shut behind him, making sure that Hobbes was in the room before he did. Today, Calvin was acting a little more excited than he usually is.

"What's with you?" Hobbes asked. "First we forget to grab the salmon, and now you're excited about doing homework?"

"No, not that fish head!" Calvin replied, digging through his closet. "I've been working on something for weeks now, and it's finally finished! This will solve all our problems!"

"Whenever it's something that can 'solve' our problems, it always makes them worse." stated Hobbes.

"I learn from my mistakes Hobbes." responded Calvin. "Now it's in here in somewhere. Let's see, Transmogrifyer gun, our failed dinosaur bones, Stupendous Man costume, ah, here it is!"

Calvin proceeded to pull out a worn cardboard box. As Hobbes saw that box appear into view, his eyes widened in horror.

"Oh no, NO. You do not learn from your mistakes if you're using that thing again."

"Don't worry Hobbes." Calvin assured him. "This is a NEW invention. I give you, the Inter-Dimensional World Transporter. We can travel to whole new worlds with it!"

"I refuse to get in that box. Remember when we traveled through time?"

"Oh yeah, stupid Dad thought those pictures were fake!" Calvin lit up, remembering that trip.

"We almost got eaten by dinosaurs." Hobbes reminded him. "Remember when you tried to duplicate yourself so you wouldn't have to do chores? The duplicate created duplicates of himself and got you into trouble!"

"Hey, we fixed that remember? I made a dial to set him to 'good'."

"And then he fell in love with Susie Derkins." Hobbes' heart melted at that name.

"Gross, Hobbes." Calvin made a disgusting face of disapproval.

"AND." Hobbes wasn't finished yet. "There was the time you turned yourself into a tiger!"

"That wasn't so bad!" Calvin defended himself. "It was just that tigers are territorial and I didn't want to eat that gross caterpillar!"

"I don't care what you say, I'm not getting inside that box. It's been nothing but trouble."

"Aw c'mon Hobbes!" pleaded Calvin. "We can go to different worlds with this new invention! Worlds that we can create!"

"No. You can go, but I'm staying."

Hobbes stood his ground, not showing any signs of hopping into that cardboard box. Calvin wouldn't admit defeat yet, so he ran downstairs.

"Where are you going?" Hobbes asked.

"I'll be back! Wait there."

A short time later, Calvin returned. In his hands were several cans of salmon. He carelessly dumped them into the box.

"Hey, that's not fair!" Hobbes whined.

"You want your salmon? Come world traveling with me."

"Ugh... are you sure this is a good idea?" Hobbes scratched his forehead in thought.

"I'll admit it, we did run into a little snag or two using this box. However, I have included multiple safeguards to ensure that nothing goes wrong!"

Hobbes sighed in defeat. "Ok, you win. But if ANYTHING goes wrong, we're going straight back!"

"No problem!" Calvin replied. "Now put on your goggles, and let's go!"

Calvin hopped into the box, adjusting cans of salmon as he made himself comfortable. Hobbes sat down behind him, holding up all the cans.

"Do we have to be facing the correct way for this?" Hobbes asked, remembering the time travel fiasco.

"Nope, I have a dial here for which world we go to!" Calvin pointed at crudely made knob fixed into the box. "Where should we go? Be leaders of an alien world? A planet where everything is smaller and we destroy everything?"

"How about a world with babes!" Hobbes beamed.

"Never mind, I'll pick our destination." Calvin adjusted the knob. "I got it! A world with everything we could ever want! A perfect world! Cartoons, cookies, staying up late, and even babes for you Hobbes! We can have everything!"

"Now you're talking!" Hobbes exclaimed. "Maybe this will be better than I thought!"

"To the perfect world!" Calvin pressed a little red button, which made a 'BOINK!" sound.

The box began to stutter around. Suddenly, it was shaking violently, almost knocking the two off-balance. Electrical malfunctions surged throughout the box, which had begun to spin around widly.

"OH NO!" Calvin screamed. "I forgot to enable the safeguards!"

"WHAT?" Hobbes yelled. "CANCEL IT! CANCEL IT!"

"I can't! The sequence is already started!"

"I'm getting out!"

"NO! We're in the middle of a world transfer! Only half of your body will make it!"

"WHY DID I AGREE TO THIS?"

What was once Calvin's room quickly became a blur of colors. Massive surges of energy engulfed the box, sending it into the inter-dimensional wormhole. The box disappeared, leaving a smoking crater behind.


	2. Chapter 2: The Arrival

The duo spun widely out of control in their cardboard box as it traveled through the inter-dimensional wormhole. Calvin and Hobbes gripped the edge the box with enough force it made their fingers hurt.

"Let's go to another world you said! It'll be fun you said!" Hobbes whined.

"I'm sorry, all right?" Calvin yelled back. "Just be glad we're not being ripped apart!"

"I'm eating the salmon now in case we don't make it." Hobbes bit into the can with his fangs and sucked out the juices.

"Hold on! I think we're materializing!"

The wormhole surrounding them slowly faded as they landed into another world. A grassy field alongside a riverbank formed just ahead of them. Various trees surrounded them, with flowers growing at the base of each one. Hump-shaped mountains lined up the horizon, with snowy caps on top. Eventually, the box stopped moving all together and it had successfully transported them into another world.

"Ok, we made it." Calvin sighed with relief. He looked around and studied his surroundings. "This isn't the world I had in mind."

"Forget about the world!" Hobbes shouted. "Now that we know about the safeguards, let's go home!"

Suddenly, a piece exploded out of the cardboard box. The chunk landed near the riverbank in multiple pieces, causing Calvin to shriek in terror.

"Oh no. Oh no. OH NO!" Calvin yelled as he jumped out of the box.

"What was that?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin scooped up the broken pieces in his hands, staring at them with horror in his eyes.

"This was the module that allows access to the inter-dimensional wormhole." Calvin stated. "It must have been damaged when we landed."

"Whoa, so let me get this straight." responded Hobbes. "You're telling me that we're stuck in an unknown world all because you failed to enable the safeguards?"

"It was a mistake, all right?" Calvin defended himself. "I can build a new one, we just need some new cardboard!"

"Ok, what about our box?"

"Are you crazy Hobbes? That's our ride home! We need it to be safe when traveling through the wormhole!"

"And where do you expect to find cardboard in this world?" Hobbes asked. "We don't even know if it exists here!"

"Then why don't we explore this world? I'm sure we can find some sort of civilization or something!"

"There's a city on that mountain over there." Hobbes pointed north.

Calvin followed his friend's gaze, staring in awe at the city. Multiple towers stood up, being built from the side of the mountain. Multiple waterfalls escaped from the city, which probably created the river they found themselves at.

"We must be in some sort of medieval world." Calvin suggested. "C'mon Hobbes, let's go."

"What about the box?"

"Oh yeah! We can't let anyone find it! Hide it behind that bush!"

Hobbes lifted up the box, while the cans of salmon inside tumbled against each other. He forcefully shoved it into a bush, which was surrounded by multiple trees.

"These trees look kind of odd, don't they?" said Hobbes as he studied one of the trees.

"Yeah, they do. They grow in a weird shape." Calvin replied.

After hiding the box, Calvin and Hobbes proceeded north towards the city on the mountain. They hiked up a large hill that was alongside the river, and found something not far from their location. A small village was built in the area surrounded by the mountains, with signs of activity evident. Smoke rose from the chimney tops of the houses, which were strangely made out of wood and straw. A set of train tracks ran through the town, leading off towards the mountain with the city built into the side. And the village was full of life as the ponies trotted throughout the town. Wait, what?

"Hobbes, are those... ponies?" Calvin asked, viewing the town from the hill.

"Huh, I believe they are." Hobbes replied.

"This world is inhabited by... PONIES?" Calvin shouted. "What is this? This is the kind of world Susie Derkins would go to!"

"Well, what do we do?" Hobbes asked.

Calvin rubbed his chin as he pondered that. He lit up as an idea formed in his head.

"I have an idea."

* * *

The cardboard box, now upside-down, made a brilliant flash of light as it finished the process. Scribbled on the side of the box was _"Transmogrifier", _and a dial next to it was set to _"Pony"._

Hobbes lifted up the box, revealing a young colt. Calvin's fur was as red as his striped t-shirt, and was an odd sensation to have hair covering his whole body. His yellow mane was spiked at the top like it usually was, but it ran down the back of his neck much like that of a horse.

"How do I look?" Calvin asked, trying to walk on four legs.

"You look like dinner to me." Hobbes joked.

"Ha ha, now it's your turn."

"Oh no, I don't want anything to do with that box. You can't take the tiger out of me." he protested.

"Hobbes, you're a carnivore! If the ponies see you, they might panic! We don't need the attention!"

"When they see me with you, I'm sure they'll be fine knowing I wouldn't harm a little horsey."

Calvin's face went a darker shade of red with anger. "Fine, but just try not to eat them, unless they attack us. Now let's go, I want to get this done before nightfall."

After hiding the cardboard box again, Calvin and Hobbes again proceeded north towards the village. They eventually made it into the town, and several ponies glanced towards them. They appeared to be frightened at first, but looked the other way seeing that the tiger wasn't there to harm them.

"I told you they wouldn't care." Hobbes whispered.

"Yeah, yeah, you were right." Calvin whispered back. "Let's just find some cardboard and get out of here before-"

Calvin stopped as a pink pony smiled in his face. He had no idea how she suddenly appeared in front of him without him noticing, but nevertheless she was there. Her mane was a darker shade of pink, and it curled at the top. Calvin thought he could detect the scent of cotton candy, and it made him hungry.

"Um..." Calvin tried to say something intelligent. "...Hello?"

"Hi! I'm Pinkie Pie! You're a little young to be traveling alone, aren't you? But you have your own tiger! I didn't know tigers could be friendly! I thought they lived down south in the jungle! Are you from the jungle? I didn't know many ponies lived in the jungle! Oh that's right! You're new to Ponyville, aren't you? Well, of course you are silly! I would of known you if you've been here before! Let me give you the tour!"

Before Calvin and Hobbes had a chance to develop what had just happened, Pinkie Pie was dragging them both across town.

"This is Sugarcube Corner! You can eat all sorts of delicious treats here! It's also where I work and live!"

"Hey! What are you doing?" Calvin spit out as he suddenly realized what was going on.

"And over here is Twilight Sparkle's library! You can get all sorts of books here!"

"Wha? Huh? How did we get here so fast?" Hobbes asked, confused.

"And this is Sweet Apple Acres where my friend Applejack lives! She's the owner and her family makes the best Apple Cider in all of Equestria!"

"Applejack? Equestria? What?" Calvin was getting frustrated.

"Over here is Carousel Boutique! This is where my friend Rarity lives! She makes the best dresses and suits anypony could ask for!"

"Any.. pony?" Hobbes tried to render that in his head.

"Up in the sky there is Rainbow Dash's house! She's the most coolest pony in Equestria! She can perform a Sonic Rainboom in ten seconds flat!"

"The sky? Rainboom? WHAT'S GOING ON?" Calvin screamed.

"And if you like animals, this is Fluttershy's cottage! She's the best animal caretaker EVER! OHMYGOSH! I don't think Fluttershy has ever seen a tiger before! Let's go see her!"

"What just happened?" Hobbes asked Calvin.

"I don't know, just go along with it!" he replied.

They found themselves at the entrance of the cottage. Various animal noises could be heard from behind the house. Pinkie Pie knocked on the door with her head and patiently waited. A couple seconds later, a yellow pony opened the door. This one had a longer mane that was a lighter shade of pink. A surprising feature about her was that she had wings on her back. She was a pegasus.

"Oh, Hi Pinkie Pie. What brings you here?" she asked quietly. Calvin could barely hear her.

"There's a new colt in Ponyville and he has a tiger with him!" Pinkie Pie happily announced.

Fluttershy looked at Calvin, hiding her face as she did. But when she looked at Hobbes, a smile formed on her face and she quickly approached the tiger.

"Oh my gosh! I've never seen a tiger before! I didn't think they were friendly!" Fluttershy stated while circling Hobbes. "Wow, orange is such an amazing color for an animal."

Hobbes beamed with pride as she said this. "Well, tigers do have to look good."

Fluttershy smiled again. "I didn't know tigers could talk! You're such a cute tiger aren't you?" Fluttershy's wings extended, and she flew just above Hobbe's head. She began to gently stroke him with her hoof.

"Hey, what are doin... aw, that feels good!" Hobbes succumbed to the pleasure.

"You have to be kidding me." said Calvin.

Hobbes was now lying down on his back while Fluttershy rubbed his tummy. "Aw, you're just big loveable kitty aren't you?"

"I am..." Hobbes replied. He stretched out on the grass and began to purr.

"Hmm mmm" Calvin cleared his throat, trying to get attention.

"Oh I'm sorry. Were you going to introduce yourself?" Fluttershy asked. "Forgive me, I was just excited about your tiger." The mare hung her head in guilt.

"No, it's fine." Calvin replied, trying not to sound too harsh. "We're uh, new here and we wanted to introduce ourselves."

"Oh, well Nice to meet you. I'm Fluttershy. I take care of various animals from all over Equestria."

"I'm.." Calvin thought for a minute. His real name would sound weird in a world like this. He quickly thought of a new name. "I'm, uh, Napalm." He remembered the Captain Napalm comic books he read frequently back home. "And this is Hobbes, my pet tiger."

"Hobbes!" Fluttershy squealed. "Aw, that's such a cute name!" Fluttershy smiled again, and Calvin thought he heard some sort of noise as she did.

"Hey, do you have any food?" Hobbes asked "We've had a long day and I sure am hungry."

"Oh, of course!" Fluttershy replied. "Please, come inside!"

Calvin, uh, I mean, Napalm grabbed Hobbes. "Hobbes, what are you doing? We're supposed to be finding cardboard!" he whispered.

"I'm hungry and this nice pony gives me belly rubs." he replied as he walked inside the cottage.

Calvin growled as he followed him and Pinkie Pie inside the house.


	3. Chapter 3: The Party

Calvin, now under the alias 'Napalm', sat in Fluttershy's kitchen with his forelegs crossed. Of all the worlds he ended up in, it had to be the one with talking ponies. Progress on finding any cardboard was halted now that Hobbes was enjoying himself. Calvin watched as he bit into a fish Fluttershy prepared for him.

"I usually keep these fish for the seals." stated Fluttershy. "But they're at the aquarium in Vanhoover right now, so take as much as you like."

"Don't mind if I do!" Hobbes cheerfully replied with half a fish hanging out of his mouth. "I'll pretty much eat anything anyways."

"And here you go Napalm." Fluttershy placed a daisy sandwich in front of Calvin.

"Um.. thanks." said Calvin. _"That's right, ponies are vegetarians. Guess I'll have to make do."_

Calvin carefully positioned the sandwich on his hoof and took a bite. Despite being in the body of a pony, all his senses from his human body remained. The flowers tasted bitter in his mouth, and Calvin desperately avoided spitting it out. He suddenly found a new appreciation for his mother's cooking. After a few bites, he was used to it and quickly wolfed it down.

"So Napalm." Fluttershy started. "Do you just travel by yourself with Hobbes?"

"Yeah." Calvin replied. "He's my best friend. I wouldn't go anywhere without him."

"Um, ok. What about your family? If you're with a tiger, you're from the jungle aren't you?"

"Uh, yeah." Calvin answered, trying to figure out a cover story. "In my village, it's, uh, a tradition for young ponies to travel into the world and discover themselves. Hobbes is accompanying me for protection."

"Oh! You're out to find your cutie mark?" Pinkie Pie asked.

"My what?"

"Cutie mark! You know! The mark that appears on your flank when you discover your special talent?" Pinkie Pie turned around and showed them her balloon cutie mark.

"Yeah, my cutie mark!" Calvin quickly replied. "I'm on a journey to find my cutie mark."

_"I was wondering what those marks on their butts were."_

"Well, we understand that your tradition is important Napalm." stated Fluttershy. "But we can't let a young colt such as yourself wandering around, even with a tiger. You're going to need a place to stay."

"I don't mind staying here!" Hobbes suggested, finishing the last of his fish.

"Uh, Hobbes? A word?" Calvin walked into the living room and signaled Hobbes to follow.

"Be right back." said Hobbes as left to join Calvin.

As Hobbes entered the living room, Calvin made sure they were far enough away so they wouldn't be in earshot.

"Hobbes, you're not actually thinking of staying here, are you?" he asked. "We need to find that cardboard so we can go home!"

"I know, but we need a place to sleep, don't we?" Hobbes replied. "We're obviously gonna be here for a while, so why not enjoy it while we can?"

"Because I don't want to be in world filled with girly ponies!"

"You're the one who wanted to go world traveling. You're the one who didn't enable the safeguards. It's your fault we're stranded here. Since went through all this trouble to go world traveling in the first place, we might as well enjoy the world we traveled to."

"This isn't the world we wanted to go to!" Calvin protested. "We were supposed to be supreme leaders and have everything we wanted!

"Ok, I get it. But we can't just leave, Fluttershy is concerned for you because you're still young. We'll just to have to live this through and find the cardboard as we go."

Calvin growled at this, growing frustrated that he would have to be stuck in this world much longer than he thought.

"Fine. We'll stay. But as soon as we get the cardboard we need, we're outta here!"

"Hey Napalm? Hobbes?" Fluttershy called from the kitchen. "Are you two finished talking? I wouldn't want to interrupt you in the middle of a conversation."

"It's fine Fluttershy, we're done talking." Calvin replied.

Fluttershy entered the living room with Pinkie Pie, who was bouncing around happily.

"I've decided to let you two stay here at my place. I'd love to learn more about tigers, and I guess you can't separate two best friends, can you?" the pegasus stated.

"Really?" Hobbes replied. "That's great!"

"In fact, it's so great that..." said Pinkie Pie.

Suddenly, Fluttershy's cottage was filled with streamers and balloons. Confetti exploded from the ceiling and rained down over the pastries set up on a table. Almost all of Ponyville was gathered in the cottage, sending most of the animals outside to hide.

"...THIS CALLS FOR A PARTY!" Pinkie Pie finished. She placed a record on the gramophone and a familiar tune began to play.

"Wait, what?!" exclaimed Calvin, who was bewildered at the sudden outburst.

"All right, a party!" Hobbes cheered. "Look, Ca- Napalm! She made cupcakes!"

"Um, please remember everypony, this is my house..." Fluttershy quietly stated. "So please be gentle with everything, and try not to startle the animals..." No one could hear her over the music and loud chatter.

"How on Earth did that pony organize a party so fast?" Calvin said out loud. "Whoa, those cupcakes do look pretty good."

Napalm tried to grab the cupcake with his hooves, but lack of fingers made it difficult. Instead he ate it with his mouth and not one pony tried to stop him.

"Wow, these cupcakes are amazing Hobbes!" Napalm exclaimed. "Way better than the ones at home!"

"Tell me about it!" Hobbes replied with assorted pastries stuffed in his mouth. "If your mom found out about how much junk we're eating, we'd be in big trouble!"

"Mom's not here is she now?" Napalm stated.

"Excuse me, you're Napalm and Hobbes, correct?" a voice asked.

Napalm turned around to be greeted by a purple unicorn.

"Uh, yeah, that's us." Napalm answered.

"I'm Twilight Sparkle." the unicorn replied. "I heard a lot about you two from Pinkie Pie. I've read many books about pony tribes that live in the jungle but I never thought I'd actually get to meet one!"

"Books huh?" Napalm asked. If Twilight knew too much, she might discover they're lying.

"Unfortunately, not much research has been done since the jungles are dangerous." Twilight stated. "I also didn't know tigers could speak!"

"I also didn't know unicorns existed!" exclaimed Hobbes. "In the jungle it's mostly, uh, earth ponies."

"That does make sense." Twilight replied. "Navigating the harsh jungle landscape requires stamina and strength that only earth ponies can provide."

"So what does the horn do anyway?" Napalm asked.

"It lets me use magic."

"Magic?"

"Yes, like this." Twilight's horn glowed purple, and a cupcake flew through the air into her mouth.

"Wow, I wish I could do that."

"Is this the jungle boy?" a blue pegasus asked. Her mane was a mix of several colors, and she had a lightning bolt for a cutie mark with a cloud over top.

"That's me!" Napalm gloated. He was enjoying the attention somewhat.

"That is so cool! Was it like the jungle in Daring Do? Does your tribe fight off any dangerous beasts? You don't look all that tough to me..."

"Uh, Daring Do?" Napalm tilted his head.

"It's a fictional novel series." Twilight answered. "Mostly for young fillies, but adult colts and mares like them too."

"Excuse me."

Napalm, Hobbes, Twilight, and Rainbow turned to Fluttershy.

"Oh I'm sorry, I didn't interrupt did I?"

Napalm groaned. This pony was way too apologetic.

"That's ok Fluttershy, what's on your mind?" asked Twilight.

"Well, if he's going to be staying here, shouldn't he be enrolled in school?"

_"Oh please no." _Napalm begged to himself.

"I think that's a great idea!" Twilight exclaimed. "He could learn so much about our society and maybe get to teach the class about his!"

_"They have school here too?" _Napalm gritted his teeth. _"If they send me off to school all day, I'm not gonna have time to find that cardboard!"_

"That sounds wonderful!" Fluttershy replied. "I'll talk with Cheerilee tonight so he can be enrolled first thing Monday morning!"

_"WHAT?"_

After Fluttershy and Napalm met with Cheerilee at the party, Napalm groaned as he sat down beside Hobbes, who was taking a nap on the couch.

"Can you believe it Hobbes? They're actually sending me to pony school!"

"It can't be that bad!" Hobbes replied with his eyes closed. "And besides, it's the weekend right now, so we can probably find cardboard before then and you won't have to go to pony school!"

"I guess you're right Hobbes." Napalm replied. "I can't wait to get out of this stupid world."


	4. Chapter 4: The Crusaders

Napalm struggled to open the cupboard doors with his hooves. The lack of fingers was really hard to get used to, and he began to wonder how the ponies could function without them. After getting the door open, he sighed at the sight of more animal food.

"Ugh, doesn't any of this stuff come in a cardboard box?" Napalm said to himself. "Stupid ponies."

Napalm had spent the better part of an hour searching Fluttershy's cottage for any cardboard lying around. All he could find was animal chow and leftover confetti from the party. Napalm yawned, realizing how late it was. He didn't need Fluttershy to know he was going through her things, so he waited until after bedtime.

A fire was crackling in the living room, shielding the inside from the cold night. Napalm stared down at the base of the fireplace where Hobbes was sleeping. Fluttershy had curled up in a ball lying next to his tummy, and they slept peacefully together by the warm flames. The sight was enough to make Napalm's heart melt.

"Aw, they look cute sleeping together..." he said to himself without thinking. "Wait, no! Cute is gross! Who am I, Susie Derkins? Yuck!"

Napalm punished himself mentally for thinking like a girl as he jumped up onto the couch. He got as comfortable as he could and fell asleep quickly.

* * *

Despite being in another world, Napalm's internal clock was on human world time. He suddenly burst up from his bed with excitement.

"YEAH! IT'S SATURDAY!" he screamed, waking up Hobbes and Fluttershy.

"AAH! What's going on?" Fluttershy squealed as she hid behind Hobbes.

"Oops." replied Napalm. "I forgot you guys were sleeping."

Hobbes let out a deep yawn while stretching across the floor. "Ugh, can't a tiger get his morning snooze in?"

"Oh my, what time is it?" Fluttershy asked while rubbing her eyes. Her eyes caught the clock. "Six o-clock? Wow, your tribe must wake up early Napalm."

"Uh yeah, I guess I'm just used to it. Sorry about that."

"It's all right, I have to feed the animals anyways. What are you two going to do today?"

"Well..." started Hobbes. "I was thinking of taking a long nap, and-"

"Actually, we were going to explore the town since we're new here." Napalm interrupted, receiving a glance from Hobbes.

"That sounds like a wonderful idea!" Fluttershy replied. "Be sure to visit Twilight later. She wants to know more about you."

"Yeah, no problem!" Napalm lied. He had no intention of going to Twilight's place.

Outside, the morning sun was beginning rise in the sky. Many of Fluttershy's animals were already up and about, waiting to be fed. Napalm and Hobbes set off down the path towards town, but Napalm's attention was to the forest behind the cottage.

These trees were much darker, and stood more menacingly than the others. Just looking at the treeline sent a chill down Napalm's spine.

"That forest sure looks creepy, doesn't it Hobbes?" he stated.

"If talking ponies exist here, I don't want to know what lives in there." Hobbes replied.

"Probably some three-legged tentacle monster with large fangs and razor-sharp claws." Napalm held his forelegs for effect. "It probably sneaks into the town at night and snatches up ponies while they're asleep."

"Well, whatever it is that lives in there, I don't want to find out. Monsters give me the willies."

"Relax Hobbes, I doubt there's any cardboard in the middle of the woods. Let's see if we can find a dumpster or something."

They eventually made it into town, and Napalm quickly scanned the alleyways for any cardboard left for recycling. As they searched, Napalm realized something.

"Hey Hobbes, why are we here?" he asked.

"Because you got us stranded here." Hobbes answered.

"No, I mean, why did the wormhole drop us of here?"

"How should I know? Does it matter?"

"Well, the transporter takes you to where you want to go, from reading certain neural receptors in your brain. A world full of ponies and happiness would be the last place I'd want to go. Why on Earth would the transporter send us here when we had a set destination? The safeguards were only meant to protect us during the trip. We still should of materialized at our original world."

"Maybe you subconsciously like ponies!" Hobbes teased.

"WHAT? Maybe you'd subconsciously like a knuckle sandwich!" Napalm shook his foreleg in front of Hobbes.

"Ha! Ponies don't even have knuckles!"

"Oh, you think you're so smart now, do you?"

"I don't have to think that. Tigers are naturally gifted." Hobbes crossed his arms with pride.

"I'll show you a gift!"

Napalm leaped onto Hobbes, and tried to hit him with his hooves. Hobbes attempted to claw him in response, and the chaos created a dust cloud as they fought. They insulted one another between blows.

"Flea bag!"

"Moron!"

"Pea brain!"

The two were too busy fighting that they didn't notice the group of fillies watching them. A yellow earth pony with a red mane and a bow tie spoke first.

"Um, what are ya'll doin'?" she asked with a southern accent.

They stopped fighting, and both Napalm and Hobbes were covered with dirt and scratches. Alongside the yellow filly was an orange pegasus with a purple mane, and a white unicorn with a light purple mane with streaks of violet.

"Oh, uh, sometimes Hobbes and I wrestle to test our physical strength. It's a common practice in our tribe." Napalm answered.

"That's right!" The pegasus exclaimed. "You're the jungle boy and the talking tiger!"

"DON'T call me that."

"I'm Scootaloo." the pegasus greeted.

"I'm Applebloom." stated the earth pony.

"And I'm Sweetiebelle." said the unicorn.

"And my name is Ca- Napalm, not jungle boy. And this is Hobbes."

"What? You mean I can't introduce myself?" Hobbes whined.

"Nice to meet ya'll!" said Applebloom. "What kind of cutie marks do you get in your tribe?"

"Yeah, do you have really cool ones?" asked Scootaloo.

"You don't have your cutie mark yet!" stated Sweetebelle. "Maybe you can become a Cutie Mark Crusader!"

"A Cutie Mark what?" Napalm tilted his head.

"A CUTIE MARK CRUSADER!" all three fillies yelled as they jumped into the air. Napalm and Hobbes covered their ears in response.

"We're a group of ponies without cutie marks on a quest to well, find our cutie marks!" said Scootaloo.

"We've been trying forever to find our special talents!" exclaimed Applebloom. "I heard that you were on a quest to find yours too! We could all work together!"

The last thing on Napalm's mind was to hang around with a group of girls trying to find their magic butt tattoo. Human or pony, girls were still gross.

"Aw, Hobbes is so warm and fuzzy!" stated Sweetiebelle as she hugged Hobbes' chest.

"Crusading?" said Hobbes, hugging the filly back. "That sounds like fun! I wanna be a crusader too!"

"WHAT?!" Napalm shrieked.

"All right!" said Scootaloo. "C'mon! We were going to find our cutie marks in pulling pranks!"

"I don't know, we could get in a lot of trouble." Applebloom replied.

"There's nothing wrong with a couple of harmless pranks!" stated Sweetiebelle. "Pinkie Pie does them all the time!"

"Napalm and I pull pranks all the time back home!" said Hobbes.

"Hobbes, shut up!" objected Napalm.

"Really? That's so cool!" beamed Scootaloo. "Can you teach us any cool pranks?"

"Hold on, I need to speak with my tiger."

Napalm pulled Hobbes away from earshot.

"What is wrong with you Hobbes? Hanging out with the ponies will only slow down our progress! Not to mention, they're girls! Gross, slimy, girls!"

"Come on Napalm! Doesn't crusading sound like fun?"

"They're only doing it for their magic butt tattoos! You can't even get one!"

Hobbes sneered. "You're just jealous because I'm such a hit with the ladies."

"Maybe you're just stupid!"

"Well, maybe you're just a lump of gravy!"

"I'll give you a lump to worry about!"

Again, Napalm leaped on Hobbes, biting his ear. Hobbes clawed away at his attacker, and another cloud of dust formed around them. Applebloom, Sweetiebelle, and Scootaloo watched in more confusion.

"Um, I thought we was gonna find our cutie marks in pullin' pranks, not wrestling." stated Applebloom.

Eventually, Hobbes pinned Napalm to the ground, growling. He struggled to move, but he was no match for the tiger's strength.

"All right, FINE. We'll go crusading with them. Happy now?" said Napalm, defeated.

"Oh boy!" beamed Hobbes. "So what are we gonna do first?" he asked the crusaders.

"Well, we don't really know any kinds of pranks." admitted Scootaloo. "We were hoping you could help us."

Napalm wiggled his way out of Hobbe's grasp, with ideas forming in his head.

"Do you girls have any balloons?"

** A/N: Sorry for the short chapter, hopefully future chapters will be a lot longer. Don't worry, Calvin and Hobbes will meet the rest of the mane six eventually.  
**


	5. Short Story 1

**I apologize for the lack of updates. New chapters will be arriving soon, and I'm aiming for over 2000 words a chapter. In the meantime, to fill in the wait for chapters, I will be writing short stories taking place during the events of Equestria Ho!, but aren't canon to the story. I hope you enjoy them!**

* * *

Rarity stared in awe at her reflection in the mirror. A hairbrush surrounded by an aura of magic carefully removed any knots lodged in the mare's mane. Each stroke of the brush allowed her hair to shape into the beautiful curl she was known for. Another hairbrush gently stroked through her tail, matching the elegance of her mane.

Satisfied with her mane, Rarity placed her brushed down and levitated a case of make-up towards her. With very gentle movements, she applied the eyeshadow around those gorgeous eyes. A tube of lipstick left a divine shade of red over Rarity's perfect lips.

The unicorn mare couldn't help but admire herself in the mirror. She was downright fabulous in every way. Every part of her body was literally shining, much like the diamonds she obsessed over. Satisfied with her appearance, Rarity gracefully trotted towards the door of Carousel Boutique. She was ready to make this day hers, and show everypony that she was the pony everypony should know.

Rarity opened the door and set forth into the town of Ponyville. Napalm suddenly emerged from a bush, holding the water hose from the side of the building. A stream of cold water blasted into Rarity, drenching her mane and tail. The make-up dripped down her face as she struggled to fight the water splashing against her. Napalm smiled throughout the whole fiasco.

Five minutes later, Napalm hobbled away slowly while rubbing his sore flank.

"Geez, what a grouch."


End file.
